Totally Awake

Dearest Sir,

Being your submissive was an amazing period of time in my life. It was a mere blink of an eye, definitely too short in length, but what it lacked in time was made up for in depth. I feel like I learned an imense amount during that time due to your constant and unwaivering support and guidence. You were an amazing teacher. What I was always longing for was the actual connection. Im sure that that was due in part to the physical distance between us but also due to the reservations you kept (rightfully) because of your marriage.

Two nights ago, that changed for me. I am no longer your official submissive. As we both know, I will always bend to your words. I will always do as you request. That night on the phone, you put me in childs pose. As I was circling my clit with pressure as you instructed, you called me. I knew you would call that night. Every other phone call with you, you have maintained the same deep, firm respect demanding tone. For most of that phone call you maintained your Dom-y tone. There was a brief moment where I heard a change. I heard pleasure in your voice. I had not heard that before with you. I longed for it. I craved it. I always wondered if extracting an orgasm or two out of me pleased you enough to bring you actual physical pleasure. I always wondered. I think it would have been different had you been physically present the whole time. I think that was the only down side to being trained long-distance. I never really "knew".

But I heard it. It moved me. That simple little chink in the armour of your stoic tone, told me that I was worth it to you. It told me that I was hot. It told me that I was acutally beautiful and that you were sincere. So much in such a seemingly minor thing.

I slept nude that night. I awoke in the morning feeling sexy. I turned on the shower and as I stood there testing the water's temperature, I looked over into the adjacent mirror and caught sight of myself. And I admired the image. So I reached out and picked up my phone from the counter. I snapped the picture to remember the moment.

I later was discussing the image with Nate and he assured me that I was beautiful and that the picture was "hot". My reply stunned me. I said "I know. I may not be perfect, but I am hot."

I think at that moment, I understood what you were trying to tell me. What you meant by, "you need to see yourself through lover's eyes".

You changed my life, Sir. I know that I have said that over and over and I hope that the sincerity is not lost in the repitition. I mean it. You changed it at first by showing me that it was ok to be who I am. And you have changed a life time of self-loathing into self-appreciation. There are not enough words to say or enough tears to cry to show my appreciation. I will never have another like you. You are and always be my Sir even though you are not my Dom. Always.

I know I am a pouter. I know that I am totally sassy (even when I shouldnt be). I know that I tend to talk too much. I also know that I am worth your time and effort.

I am beautiful, afterall.

Thank you-