"You know I have this love for you George. Its strange. We didn't particularly know each other in high school. But I am drawn to your wit and your sweetness and of course you brought me flowers. You bring me joy. And you give the best advice. Just thought I would share."
He replies "Yes, you're drawn to me. I have that certain "I don't know what.". Who is this clever boy that foolishly delays the inevitable?"
"You know him" I say being coy, "He was your neighbor growing up".
"I had a lot of neighbors. Tease"
Damn, he knows just what to say and how to say it. Of course, I am teasing him. I love that he never gives into my teasing though. "He is one of our mutual friends." I offer him one more sliver.
"It's no wonder you keep making him come back. You're getting me to do it and I'm not even getting the good stuff. Although I have a hunch you're going to make me put out before this conversation is over."
I literally laugh out loud in my office. I, of course, should be working. I'm doing month end reconciliations on the three accounts that I manage for the law firm. I manage to be quite efficient. I am so over-qualified for this position, but frankly with the 3 kids to support, I need the money.
I type my reply, quite proud of the sassy tone. "♥ you! You actually get the good stuff. Its the unfrickingbelievable stuff you aren't getting ;)"
He figures out who it is. Its JP. His best childhood friend long since grown apart. He thought JP was married, but nope, divorced for 3 years.
I literally laugh out loud in my office. I, of course, should be working. I'm doing month end reconciliations on the three accounts that I manage for the law firm. I manage to be quite efficient. I am so over-qualified for this position, but frankly with the 3 kids to support, I need the money.
I type my reply, quite proud of the sassy tone. "♥ you! You actually get the good stuff. Its the unfrickingbelievable stuff you aren't getting ;)"
He figures out who it is. Its JP. His best childhood friend long since grown apart. He thought JP was married, but nope, divorced for 3 years.
"Yeah... you keep tootin' your own horn... What is it about guys with a bunch of kids that you love so much? Trying to do the Brady Bunch thing?"
He doesn't mince words. Its true, I keep going after men with children, divorced men who are still a part of their kids lives. Its a pattern and George has picked up on it? "Guys with kids just get my life. And he and I have always had this *thing* since high school. He in particular just gives me enough to want more. And if your horn did the tricks my horn can do, you would be tooting it too :)"
I amuse him. "I'd be tooting mine or yours? Now I'm confused again"
He doesn't mince words. Its true, I keep going after men with children, divorced men who are still a part of their kids lives. Its a pattern and George has picked up on it? "Guys with kids just get my life. And he and I have always had this *thing* since high school. He in particular just gives me enough to want more. And if your horn did the tricks my horn can do, you would be tooting it too :)"
I amuse him. "I'd be tooting mine or yours? Now I'm confused again"
I can't help my giggling. "That's funny. right there! So, are you gonna marry the girl?" I knew that he had been engaged to Meghan for several years. I wasn't quite ready for the response that I got though. "Whoopsy daisy... I actually already did. We got married quietly last winter. Just our families here at the beach."
My response was quick and stunned. With all of my exclamation points, he accused me of tooting my own horn again. I was just shocked that my buddy had been married over a year and didn't tell me. "I'm kind of an idiot and I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but back to the matter at hand...
My response was quick and stunned. With all of my exclamation points, he accused me of tooting my own horn again. I was just shocked that my buddy had been married over a year and didn't tell me. "I'm kind of an idiot and I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but back to the matter at hand...
"You and JP aren't facebook official I notice" he says. I deflect, "either are you and your wife". Truth be told I just found out about his wife less than 2 minutes ago. I'm still kind of reeling on that one. We weren't friends in high school. Of course I was just acquaintances with 99% of the student body. Only counting a select few on my real life friends list. But, with the dawn of facebook, I became the popular girl that I never was. I was awkward and shy. Too tall. Too soft spoken. Too sarcastic. Too alone. I had been the new girl in 9th grade. I wanted to be the popular girl. I was popular at my old school, or I was friends with all of the popular girls. Puberty was an extremely trying time when you are 5'9" at 13 years old. Swimming my whole life gave me broad shoulders and a firm body. My long slender limbs attracted the boys.
I continue in my reply to George, "No we aren't facebook official. 'Moth meets Flame' isn't an actual status option... yet. My stomach stays tied in knots. He is two different people. I am fascinated and leery at the same time, but I cannot resist him." I hit send. Not finished with my thought, I continue "I allow him to manipulate my emotions and manipulate my body. I take the controlled amounts of him he is willing to give with glee even though its not enough. I feel I have no weapons in this battle. I did at one time... last time we tried to date... I told him I loved him after we broke up. I handed over the only power I had." Doubting that I should have shared so much, I hit send again.
Almost instantly, George replies to my message "Well, you do enjoy being handled, but never let anyone control your head. It's your life. That's your power. Saying that you love someone doesn't give anything up. Just because you say it doesn't mean that you have to lie down and do as you're told. Unless you enjoy doing that, then it's okay. You can love someone and not allow them to control you. Demand to be treated well. You still have the unfrickingbelievable stuff, apparently. You can take that somewhere else if need be."
Damn his words always hit me with such power. He is right and I know it, why cant I just believe it. I reply "I actually like the giving up physical control. I've never done that before and it's refreshing. I said "I love you" then I didn't talk to him for 10 days I think. I haven't said it since and I fo sho will not say it again unless he says it to me. I didn't like being vulnerable like that. Not hearing it back killed me. Oh I have the stuff... :)
just careful who enjoys it lol". I love being able to talk about this with someone who is impartial. "Oh I only do as I'm told if I want too ;)" I say back to George. His response is instant and again hits straight to my heart. "There is freedom in surrender. You don't have to act. You don't have to think. All that's required of you is to feel." Damn that's what I want. I read that reply maybe two dozen times.
"That's probably why I am so drawn to JP. I trust that I have more experience than him. I trust that he wont hurt me physically. I have never experienced such passion before. I need to learn patience and he is trying to teach me that for sure. He constantly says "patience grasshopper". I promise to learn, Really I promise to try. I'm sure that I shouldn't be talking about this with you. Sorry" I'm babbling again. I tend to do that. Like I feel the need to explain myself so that I feel understood. Ive never really felt like someone gets me. Someone just knows what I am saying without all of the verbiage that I pile on.
He jumps in and eases my concern. "You're not sorry, beautiful. You want to tell me things because you know that I won't tell, won't judge. That I'll understand. The passion you experience is probably the ecstasy of freedom. Finally letting go of everything that you and society has put in the way. It's trust and a little fear, but mostly it's a lack of worry, an absence of wondering and judgement, and an awareness of your Self. Of instinct. Of reaction. Of sweat and nerves and... I've been drinking. I'm running on at the thumbs"
He has me pegged for sure. "OK, I say, I am not sorry for sharing. But I am sorry if I have put you in a bad position because you are married now. The fear must be the emotional part. Its that patience thing... damn it. I asked him if he would teach me patience in the bedroom. I hope that I can be patient. I'm sure I will test him. I asked to be punished. :)"
"Why would this put me in a bad position because I'm married? Do you need me to discipline you? I'm awfully far away to keep you in line, beautiful."
"What type of punishment should I tell him I need?
"Oh beautiful, that's far too personal, but I am lacking sobriety and judgement... If I felt that you were in need of discipline I would spank you, for immediate correction, or withhold your... release. Until you understood what you had done wrong."
It was at that precise moment that I figured out that my George was, himself, indeed a Dom. I was beside myself. I was in shock. I was also immediately keenly aware of every nerve ending in my body. The room was brighter and I believe it actually began to spin.
I managed to key in a response before I chickened out. "You know a lot about this G. Why is that?"
So calmly and coolly, he responded "You don't need to ask. You already know. You can teach him. But if he's truly your Dom then he'll teach you."
I was stunned. He just admitted to me that he was a Dom. I felt so honored. I felt so in awe. I felt so safe. I felt so alive.
"What type of punishment should I tell him I need?
"Oh beautiful, that's far too personal, but I am lacking sobriety and judgement... If I felt that you were in need of discipline I would spank you, for immediate correction, or withhold your... release. Until you understood what you had done wrong."
It was at that precise moment that I figured out that my George was, himself, indeed a Dom. I was beside myself. I was in shock. I was also immediately keenly aware of every nerve ending in my body. The room was brighter and I believe it actually began to spin.
I managed to key in a response before I chickened out. "You know a lot about this G. Why is that?"
So calmly and coolly, he responded "You don't need to ask. You already know. You can teach him. But if he's truly your Dom then he'll teach you."
I was stunned. He just admitted to me that he was a Dom. I felt so honored. I felt so in awe. I felt so safe. I felt so alive.
"Are you serious????? Wow. My breath is gone...
OK. hm. OK. uh. Ive never submitted to ANYTHING in my life. ever. Why do I want to so bad. When I am alone, I fantasize about it and have for years. But... why do I want no control in the bedroom whatsoever? Can this be just a bedroom thing or is it all or nothing? My heart is pounding."
OK. hm. OK. uh. Ive never submitted to ANYTHING in my life. ever. Why do I want to so bad. When I am alone, I fantasize about it and have for years. But... why do I want no control in the bedroom whatsoever? Can this be just a bedroom thing or is it all or nothing? My heart is pounding."
His tone is very calm, very soothing. Very real. "Subs must be very strong-willed. Extremely confident so they don't lose themselves in the rest of the relationship. Sexual only. Which doesn't limit things to the bedroom. Sex and foreplay can be nearly anywhere, but the buildup can be absolutely any place. Any time. I love for my Subs to challenge me. And then I bend them to my will. Every. Time."
His words send a fire through my body. I am suddenly very hot. I cant process this all at once. He is describing what I want. Who I want to be. I've yet to catch my breath here.
I'm desperate for what he knows. I need it. "I want to know everything. Well everything you can tell me". He texts me on my cell phone.
"Heart racing? Hollow feeling in your stomach?" Pops up onto the screen.
My breathing is very fast and very shallow. I'm almost panting in disbelief and yearning. And how the hell does he know how I am feeling at this very second? "Yes. Why?" I barely have the strength to text at this point.
He is so clear in his message...
"Because no one has ever told you what you are before"
"And now, you've realized."
"You're wet too."
I'm screaming through my thumbs... "WHAT??? I kinda can't breathe"
"And you love it."
"Yes. But, what am I exactly?" I am delirious.
" I thought you knew. Last time we saw each other when you came to the beach for vacation and I brought you the flowers... I thought you knew"
"Knew what?" I'm weak and shaking at this point.
"You had gone out with that guy and were telling me how you were 'handled' you said".
I'm silent. Waiting for more information that would come quickly...
"You are a submissive, beautiful"
His words send a fire through my body. I am suddenly very hot. I cant process this all at once. He is describing what I want. Who I want to be. I've yet to catch my breath here.
I'm desperate for what he knows. I need it. "I want to know everything. Well everything you can tell me". He texts me on my cell phone.
"Heart racing? Hollow feeling in your stomach?" Pops up onto the screen.
My breathing is very fast and very shallow. I'm almost panting in disbelief and yearning. And how the hell does he know how I am feeling at this very second? "Yes. Why?" I barely have the strength to text at this point.
He is so clear in his message...
"Because no one has ever told you what you are before"
"And now, you've realized."
"You're wet too."
I'm screaming through my thumbs... "WHAT??? I kinda can't breathe"
"And you love it."
"Yes. But, what am I exactly?" I am delirious.
" I thought you knew. Last time we saw each other when you came to the beach for vacation and I brought you the flowers... I thought you knew"
"Knew what?" I'm weak and shaking at this point.
"You had gone out with that guy and were telling me how you were 'handled' you said".
I'm silent. Waiting for more information that would come quickly...
"You are a submissive, beautiful"
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